Northwest Yearly Meeting of Friends (Quakers)

Harold and Marilyn Antrim, (Sherwood Friends) married for nearly 60 years, and Pat and Patti Paz, (Meridian Friends) married for 20, share some reflections on their relationships.



“I, Harold, take thee, Marilyn, to be my wife, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband as long as we both shall live.”
“I, Marilyn, take thee, Harold, to be my husband, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful wife as long as we both shall live.”
These wedding vows we made to each other nearly 60 years ago have been the basis for our marriage conduct through the times of dramatic vocational changes, unexpected moves, and serious illnesses, along with everyday normal and stressful living raising four wonderful children.
The Divine assistance has always been there for us, and God’s faithfulness and love to us has helped us to be faithful and loving to each other.
We have attempted to live by the often overlooked admonition from Ephesians 5:21. Submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ has helped us recognize, respect and appreciate, support, build up, preserve, and encourage our mate’s giftedness and unique contrasting (yet complementing) personality.
The greatest power of our long and fulfilling relationship has been the common bond of our commitment to Jesus Christ.  Many years ago a wise older couple advised us to read Scripture together daily and to pray (aloud) while holding hands.  Doing this regularly has deepened our spiritual journey
together, and we recommend it to other couples.
Some other practical guidelines we recommend are:

• Being best friends!
• Avoiding criticizing our mate to others.
• Being thankful for what our Lord has given us, especially for each other.

I, Patti, have learned through our 20 years of marriage that I need to support Pat according to what he needs, not what I need. I tried for many years to build Pat up by words of affirmation, which happens to be my love language. Seems like a good approach, right? While Pat appreciated my efforts, it was not building him up. So I had to learn his love language, which is acts of service. So all I needed to do was fix him a nice dinner. Now Pat, on the other hand, was trying to build me up by using acts of service, like taking me out to breakfast. Since my love language is words of affirmation, I wanted him to just tell me how great the dinner was that I made him the night before. Amazing how we try to build each other up with our own needs in mind. But, more importantly, we build each other up by supporting each other in our parenting (standing as one), our ministry at church (youth), and our latest venture, Pat’s business. These common bonds we cherish and give to God daily. Supporting each other is something that has strengthened our marriage.
God is good, he has made us each unique. We have learned to appreciate and honor God through our actions toward each other. With God’s grace and our perseverance, we continue to learn how to build each other up and appreciate each other’s individuality.